Batman Is Bruce Wayne?
by Windrises
Summary: The Joker starts believing that Batman is secretly Bruce Wayne. Joker tries to tell everybody about his theory, while Batman tries to think of a way to protect his secret identity.


Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Murray Franklin is owned by Warner Bros.

Batman drove to the Penguin's club, the Iceberg Lounge. The Penguin had claimed he had become a responsible, good-natured businessman, but Batman didn't buy it. Batman burst into the Penguin's office, where Penguin was counting dollar bills, while practicing his squawking. Batman gave the Penguin an intimidating stare, while saying, "Greetings, you rotten bird."

The Penguin smiled, while replying, "Greetings, Batman. How can I assist you? Would you like to make a business deal?"

Batman punched the Penguin's desk and responded, "Yeah right. I'd never make a business deal with somebody, who's as vile as you."

The Penguin stuck his hand in front of Batman's cowl and replied, "Calm down. I've stopped being a criminal. I'm an honest person."

Batman folded his arms and responded, "You're as honest as a convention of liars."

The Penguin smirked and replied, "You're the one, who's been lying to the citizens of Gotham."

Batman defensively asked, "What are you talking about? There isn't a single lie, that has ever come out of my cowl."

The Penguin shook his head and squawked. He ate some birdseed, before saying, "Batman, you always lie to people. Any costumed character, like you and your superhero buddies, lie to everybody around them. Batman isn't your real name. Instead of being honest about who you are, you insist on having a secret identity. Superheroes lie to people, in and out of costume."

Batman shook his fist at the Penguin and replied, "I'm not a liar, so stop trying to make me look bad, you misguided fool."

The Penguin tapped Batman on the head and said, "I'm curious to know who you really are, underneath that mask of yours."

Batman replied, "You're never going to find that out. No villain has what it takes, to figure out who I am. Your business deals better be legal, Penguin. If you do a single shady deal, I'll find out about it and bring you to justice."

The Penguin responded, "I'll try to stay out of trouble. I hope you try to stop being a liar. Also, I hope you start admitting that you're secretly dating Poison Ivy." Batman gave Penguin a disapproving look, before leaving the Iceberg Lounge and heading to his date with Poison Ivy.

Batman drove to nearby restaurant and started having dinner with Poison Ivy. They ate cookies that were shaped like plants. Poison Ivy asked, "How was your day?"

Batman sighed and said, "The Penguin is driving me crazy. He keeps trying to act like he's a honest, respectable citizen, but I know that's not the case. I'm tired of that bird causing me a never-ending amount of trouble."

Poison Ivy touched Batman's hand, while replying, "I know you'll beat this Penguin guy, eventually. I believe in you."

Batman smiled and responded, "Thank you."

A few minutes later, Bruce Wayne got on a suit and drove to Wayne Manor. When he got there, he realized that dozens of people were on the lawn. He saw a couple of tables, which had tons of his Batman gadgets on them. Bruce was concerned and confused, so he parked his car and ran up to his butler, Alfred Pennyworth. He pulled Alfred away from the others and asked, "What's going on?"

Alfred said, "I have good news, Master Wayne."

Bruce replied, "Frankly, I'm not seeing good news. I'm seeing danger. Why are all these people here and why are my gadgets on those tables?"

Alfred responded, "We've been talking about how you have a bunch of stuff, that you don't need. Because of that, I decided to have a garage sale. I'm selling a bunch of stuff, that you don't need."

Bruce said, "Alfred, tons of my gadgets are being sold. I need that stuff."

Alfred calmly replied, "Don't worry, Master Wayne. I'm selling a bunch of old gadgets, that you no longer need. I'm selling old things, like your broken batarangs, some Shark Repellent, and stuff like that." Alfred proudly said, "It seems like I'm quite the helpful butler."

Bruce looked annoyed, while responding, "I don't think that's the case, old chum. Instead, I think you're putting my secret identity in danger. You're selling a bunch of Batman stuff, at my mansion. That could make people find out the truth."

Alfred replied, "You're the richest person, that any city's ever had, so it would make sense you'd have tons of stuff, from Gotham's most popular hero. Besides, Gotham's full of clueless fools."

The Joker went to the garage sale. He was planning on stealing any valuable items, that appealed to him. He dug around and started flipping through some old comic books. Afterwards, he saw a bunch of old batarangs. Joker smiled, while saying, "I remember these. These came from fights I had with Batman, years ago. It's nice to see them and all, but why are they at Bruce Wayne's garage sale?" The Joker opened a box, that was full of different colored Batman costumes. Joker laughed and said, "These things came from that time, where Batman was wearing a different color, each night."

Bruce looked around and noticed that the Joker was at the garage sale. He gasped and said, "The Joker's the last person I want, for a customer."

The Joker continued looking around. He saw dozens of grappling hooks, utility belt items, and bat-themed merchandise. The Joker had a giant grin on his face, while saying, "I've figured out Batman's secret identity." He did an evil laugh.

Bruce walked up to him and asked, "What are you talking about?"

The Joker pointed to him and said, "You're Batman."

Bruce replied, "You're wrong about that, Joker."

The Joker said, "It's ridiculously obvious, that you're Batman. This garage sale is full of stuff, that had to of come from the Batcave. You've kept your secret identity, for many years. However, despite being so rich, your greed got the better of you. You tried selling some of your bat equipment, which led to your identity being revealed."

Bruce tried to look as calm and reserved, as he could. However, he was secretly scared. He tried to think of a way, to save his secret identity. After a minute of thinking, he said, "This isn't stuff, from the Batcave. These gadgets were stuff civilians picked off the streets, after Batman used them in battle. I bought these items, at bidding auctions. However, Wayne Manor is overly-stuffed and I don't need this stuff, so I'm selling it."

The Joker replied, "I'm not buying your little trick, Batman. If you were only selling a few batarangs, I might believe you. However, you're selling hundreds of items, that are hard to acquire. You wouldn't be selling these at a garage sale. You'd be selling them, at one of your own auctions. I know you're overly-kind, so you'd probably sell all these items and give the money to charity. You have the morality and responsibility, of Batman, which proves my theory."

Bruce asked, "Do you expect anybody to believe any of your theories? You have an infamous reputation, for being a maniac."

The Joker replied, "Although I'm looney, I'm a clever fella. I'm going to tell people, that you're Batman." The Joker ran away, while doing an evil laugh.

Bruce whispered to himself, "I wish I could change into my Batman costume and go after them. However, that would further endanger my secret identity."

That night, the Joker was invited to appear on Murray Franklin's talk show, because he claimed to know who Batman was and that intrigued a countless amount of people. Bruce sat around Wayne Manor, while waiting for the show to start.

A few minutes later, the show started. Murray Franklin walked onstage and had a smug smile on his face, while the audience applauded at his mere presence. Murray said, "Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we've got a guest, who leaves a strong impression. He claims he knows the secret identity of Batman. We all hope he's not joking, even though it's expected of him. Give a round of applause for the Joker."

The Joker danced onstage. The audience started clapping. Women, who were dressed as Harley Quinn, whistled at the Joker. Joker winked at them and bowed to the crowd. Afterwards, he shook Murray's hand. Joker was wearing an electric buzzer on his hand, so Murray recovered from the shock, while Joker giggled. Joker said, "Thank you for having me on, Murray. I've been a fan of your show, ever since I was a young man."

Murray looked amused, while replying, "Hold on, clown. Are you implying I'm old?"

The Joker said, "I like to be honest, every now and then." The audience gasped.

Murray replied, "You know, I'd say you were giving a clue, to your secret identity, by saying you're a fan of my show. However, I have millions of fans, so that's a pretty useless hint." The audience clapped for Murray, while Joker rolled his eyes.

The Joker said, "Anyways, tonight's show isn't about me."

Murray smugly replied, "Every show is about me." The audience clapped, yet again.

The Joker smirked and said, "Excuse me, Murray. Is this live audience real or are they robots, who are programmed to clap, after every lazy sentence you make?"

Murray and the audience felt a sense of awkwardness, so he said, "Let's get to the topic of the show, Joker. Do you really know who Batman is or are you messing with us?"

The Joker replied, "I love messing people. However, I'm being honest, this time. Today, I did my own type of detective work and figured out who Batman is."

Murray asked, "Who is he?"

The Joker said, "Batman is Bruce Wayne." The audience could hardly believe what they just heard.

Murray looked at Joker, while asking, "You really think Batman's Mr. Wayne?"

The Joker replied, "I do."

Murray smirked and responded, "You live up to your joking reputation."

The Joker replied, "I have proof, that Batman's Bruce Wayne." The Joker pulled out a series of photographs, out of his jacket pocket. Murray took a close look at them and showed them to the audience. The pictures showed bat-gadgets, which were being sold at Bruce Wayne's garage sale.

Murray said, "This is pretty interesting evidence. There's a good chance, that Batman is Bruce Wayne."

Meanwhile, Bruce looked at Alfred and said, "This is terrible. The Joker is convinced I'm Batman and he's starting to make Gotham's citizens think the same thing."

Alfred nervously replied, "This is a terrifying situation, Master Bruce. What are you going to do? Can you save your secret identity?"

Bruce answered, "I think I can."

Bruce went into the Batcave and got on his Batman costume. He started working on an experiment, while Alfred started selling vases, paintings, and chairs, from Bruce's mansion.

After Alfred foolishly sold several of Bruce's items, without his permission, he went into the Batcave. He walked up to Batman and asked, "What's going on?"

Batman said, "Luckily, I have some good news. I think I've created something, that will save my secret identity."

Alfred asked, "What is it?"

Batman pulled out a ray gun and explained, "This ray gun has a very special power, Alfred. It can transport my physical abilities and strength and transport it into a different person. I'm going to give my superhuman strength, to another person. I'm also going to give this other person a Batman costume. That way, people will start believing Batman's not Bruce Wayne."

Alfred replied, "That sounds cool and all, but who are you going to give your superhuman strength to?"

Batman answered, "The Penguin."

Alfred nervously raised his eyebrows and asked, "Are you sure it's a good idea, to give the Penguin your superhuman strength."

Batman replied, "I think the Penguin's the perfect person, to give my superhuman strength to. You see, the Penguin's recently been declared to be one of Gotham's most honest and respectful businessmen. Because of his good reputation, people could suspect he's Batman. I'm going to go to the Iceberg Lounge and have Penguin become the decoy Batman." Batman grabbed a spare costume and went into the Batmobile.

Alfred responded, "Sounds good, Master Batman. While you're away, I'll sell more of your items, that you no longer need."

Batman sternly replied, "Don't sell anything, that's in the Batcave."

Meanwhile, the Joker was pacing around his lair. Thanks to his appearance on Murray Franklin's show, several people started thinking Bruce Wayne was Batman. However, there were millions of people, who didn't believe it. The Joker scratched his chin, while saying, "I've got to do something, that will make people believe the truth." After thinking things out, Joker smiled and said, "I think there's a way, to make people realize the truth. If I unmask Batman and take pictures, everybody will believe me." Joker turned on the TV and said, "Gotham's news channel is so much more exciting, than regular news channels. They're always reporting about Batman. As soon as the news tells me where Batman is, I'll drive down there and unmask him."

Batman drove to the Iceberg Lounge. Before going inside, he gave Poison Ivy a call. Batman said, "Joker's driving me batty."

Poison Ivy replied, "Not another villain, that's getting on your bad side."

Batman said, "Don't worry. I'll stop him."

Poison Ivy replied, "I know you can do it. You're the best, sweetheart."

Batman responded, "Thank you."

Batman burst into the Penguin's office and used his ray gun on him. The ray gun gave Penguin superhuman strength. Penguin had a confused look on his face, while asking, "What's going on?"

Batman asked, "Do you feel okay?"

The Penguin said, "I feel better, than I usually do. I feel like I've been given some extra strength." Batman put his spare costume on Penguin's table and ran out. Penguin said, "This is a very puzzling situation. Batman came into my office, out of nowhere. He's blasted me, with a ray gun, which has made me stronger, rather than weaker. Also, he gave me one of his costumes."

The Penguin put on the Batman costume and looked at himself, in front of a mirror. He smiled, while saying, "Wow, I'm hunky, both as a penguin and as a bat. This outfit has great style, but I think my new strength is the real thing, that I should be focusing on." Penguin punched his own table, which got broken apart. He said, "I'm quite strong."

The Penguin went into the lobby of the Iceberg Lounge, while still wearing his Batman costume. The security guards thought he was Batman, so they started charging towards him. Penguin tested out his strength, by fighting the security guards. He was so strong, that he easily defeated the guards.

A few minutes later, the Joker burst into the Iceberg Lounge. He looked around and saw the Penguin. Because of Penguin's Batman costume, Joker thought Penguin was Batman. Joker said, "Greetings, Batman. I'm going to defeat you and reveal you're Bruce Wayne."

Penguin replied, "Let's battle it out, you nasty clown."

Joker and Penguin started punching and kicking each other. Although Penguin had Batman's superhuman strength, he lacked the fast reflexes and smart thinking, that Batman had. Because of that, Joker was able to knock Penguin to the ground. He took off Penguin's mask and started taking pictures of his face. Penguin got up and used his umbrella, to knock Joker to the ground. He dug around his utility belt and found a pair of handcuffs, which he put on the Joker.

A while later, Bruce Wayne was strolling around the streets of Gotham, when he saw Penguin putting Joker into a police car. Detective Bullock looked confused, while asking, "Why is Penguin arresting the Joker?"

The Joker said, "It turns out Bruce Wayne isn't Batman. Penguin was framing him, because Penguin's the real Batman."

Detective Bullock stared at Bruce and said, "It looks like you're not Batman."

Bruce replied, "That's a relieving piece of news."

Commissioner Gordon walked up to the Penguin and shook hands with him. Gordon said, "It's hard to believe, that you're the real Batman. We thought you were a criminal."

The Penguin replied, "I was pretending to be a criminal mastermind, to disguise my secret identity."

Commissioner Gordon said, "Now that we know you're Batman, we can start rewarding you, for being Gotham's greatest hero. We're going to start sending checks to you, whenever Batman catches a criminal."

The Penguin had an excited look on his face, while replying, "This is splendid news." Bruce rolled his eyes, while walking away. He was glad people didn't think he was Batman, even if it meant that Penguin became the person people thought of, whenever Batman appeared.


End file.
